


Truth

by wanderlustforever



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Gen, Second person POV, but do give it a chance, i really love writing in this pov, it's not everyone's favourite, lapslock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-19
Updated: 2018-10-19
Packaged: 2019-08-04 11:33:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16345925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wanderlustforever/pseuds/wanderlustforever
Summary: this fic is posted in conjunction with fanficdoc's 30 days of fanfic collection!you can find out more at https://fanficdoc.tumblr.com/post/179048380842/hey-you-yeah-you-want-to-be-included-in-the-30





	Truth

dreaming is ronan's thing. 

when you start waking up in the middle of the night, sweat mimicking blood as it runs down parts of your body that don't usually sweat, you wonder whether your new proximity with him has caused cabeswater to confuse the two of you. it makes you blush, the idea; that perhaps cabeswater is reacting to the parts of himself ronan leaves inside you. 

but deep down you know things are never that easy. 

gansey's search is yielding results now. enemies are circling closer. you know it's building up to something; there's a reason why cabeswater wants you to regenerate the ley lines. 

so when you dream of hands - your hands - wrapped around roman's neck, you take note. when you dream of bees surrounding gansey, you take note. when you dream of blue weeping, you damn well take note. 

the others think that they can win. they don't understand how cruel the world can be. sometimes, when you're with them, you forget. you're young and in love with this ragtag bunch of people and you feel invincible when you're with them. 

then you go home and dream of death. 

you can't tell blue; she wouldn't understand, she'd try to fix it and she'll blame herself when it ends in blood anyway. 

you can't tell ronan. he's too reckless, too in love with both you and gansey and it would tear him apart. you won't sacrifice him to fix something that cannot be fixed. 

that leaves gansey. 

beautiful, stubborn gansey. you almost believe that he is magic, that if anyone can find a way out of this, it'll be him. still, some inner voice warns you against laying this burden on his regal shoulders. as much as you believe in gansey, gansey believes in his quest. he'll take any risk, even at such a high cost. he'll think that he can find a way around it, delude himself into believing it, when no other way exists. 

it falls on you. 

so that's how you end up here: in the pig, on the way to monmouth after a shift at boyle's, just you and gansey. 

this is your chance. 

"i want out." 

"huh? what's wrong?" gansey slows the car down, as if he's going to pull over. 

"no, i mean... this glendower thing, i don't want to be a part of it anymore." 

you can see the rapid changes in his expression despite the darkness of the night. he's confused and worried. he's wondering what prompted you to make this decision, whether you're hurt or upset about something. 

"is it because of ronan?" he asks. "because of greenmantle?"

"does it matter?"

"of course it does!" gansey thinks he's figured it out, and he's so eager to explain it to you that he even takes his eyes off the road. "don't worry, we'll work it out. he can't make a move against us so openly, and ronan is better protected than you think, and now that-"

you cut him off. "i don't care. i've had it. my whole life, i lived my whole life wondering whether i was going to make it through to the next day." 

gansey's face twists; it's strange, you were the one who suffered at robert parrish's hands, but ronan and gansey always seem to be more pained at the thought of him than you. "adam-"

"no, listen. i thought i would die before i ever escaped this town. and then he got put away and things started working out and now it's all doom and death again, and for what? why are we searching for a dead king anyway? sure, we're all tied to a magical forest, but that doesn't mean we owe it anything. why can't we live our lives normally? i want to study and get into university. you're going to president sometime soon. why isn't that important?"

these are valid points. you almost believes what you're saying. it hurts to see betrayal and panic flash across gansey's face, but you're trying to save him. it's like vaccinating a puppy, you tell yourself.

"it was alright when it was just a game, but things are a right fucking mess now. i'm out." 

you're an important part of a puzzle that must remain unsolved. if it means the end of your friendship, if it means never waking up in the warmth of ronan's arms - he loves you, but he's loved gansey far deeper for far longer - then so be it. it's the least you can do for them. 

"oh adam." gansey's voice sends a sharp chill down your spine. his tone is wrong. "adam," gansey says again, and then the fear leaves you. it's him, wearier than you've ever heard him before, but you're no longer afraid of him. 

"what?" 

"i was supposed to have died seven years ago. ever since then, it's like i've been living on borrowed time. i know..." gansey swallows, nervous, and you want to reach out and smooth that crease between his eyebrows. "i know this ends with me dying."

you have no argument to counter with, no denial prepared. an eternity of a second ticks by, robbing you of the chance to deny knowing the truth that gansey has spoken into being. 

gansey smiles wistfully. "it's okay. i've accepted it." 

it's that nonchalance, that resignation, that stokes your fire back to life. "it's bullshit, that's what it is. you don't have to find glendower and you definitely don't have to die. it's a choice. you can't make the right one, so i'm not going to let you make the wrong one. you can hate me all you like-"

"i would never hate you," gansey immediately replies. "not even for this."

there's something in his eyes that you can't quite read. 

"even if you did," you counter "it wouldn't change my mind." 

gansey shrugs. "fate will find a way." 

"i'm not going to let you die." even as you promise, you realise the futility of your words. what can you do? you can't avoid cabeswater forever; you can't stand by if ronan gets into trouble because of the greywaren thing. it's an empty promise, fuelled by desperation rather than strength. 

the dreams continue.

**Author's Note:**

> this fic is posted in conjunction with fanficdoc's 30 days of fanfic collection!
> 
> you can find out more at https://fanficdoc.tumblr.com/post/179048380842/hey-you-yeah-you-want-to-be-included-in-the-30


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